Tuesday
May062014

McSweeney's

It's Finally Summer in the Office!

Oh man, there’s nothing like summer in the office! When the air conditioner buzzes on and frigid air chills me to my core, I knowit’s somewhere between 70 and 109 outside. I don’t know for sure because I only am outside for two fifteen-minute intervals per day, once early in the morning and once after the sun goes down, but man, it sure looks hot out there!

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How To Get A Perfect Beach Body

Listen up, girls! It’s almost summertime, which means there are only a couple months left to get your perfect beach body! Don’t panic! Here’s a how-to guide to YOUR ultimate beach body!

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The Queso Dip Consumption Ritual Between Two Female Roommates

The queso dip consumption ritual between two female roommates is a complicated, delicate dance.

It begins when one roommate purchases a jar of queso dip. Perhaps it’s procured from the local bodega on a drunken night. Perhaps it’s slipped into the cart during a by-the-book grocery store run. Or perhaps it was “accidentally” taken home from Greg and Lucinda’s potluck.

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T.G.O.W (The Grapes Of Wrath): Netflix Hottest New Show

JENOMG!! Are you done with T.G.O.W. yet??

LESLIE: No! Started today. They just packed up and got on the road. So excited!

JEN: It gets SO good! I’m so jealous you aren’t done yet!

LESLIE: I <3 the word choice in Chapter 3!

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An Excerpt From The Victorian Diary of A Man Whose Local Bodega Has Just Been Shut Down

Dearest Diary,

It’s been a fortnight now since my local bodega shut its doors. O! When those lights went out, so extinguished was the light in my heart. I sit before you a shadow of the man I once was. I am untethered. I have come undone. I am without my corner store.

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SWF Seeking SM To Sleep On the Other Side of the Bed

I am a non-snorer and cover sharer who tends to sleep exclusively on one side of the bed, thereby creating a semi-permanent valley in the mattress. I’m looking for a man to sleep next to me to even out my mattress. Cleanliness is a plus. Not too much body hair. Nonsmoker. Individuals with excessive night-sweating need not apply. 

read more here

Wednesday
Apr022014

Above Average: More Realistic Food Expiration Dates

Eat on the subway by 3/24/14.

Throw away by 4/15/14.

Call your mom and ask her if this hummus is still good by 6/1/14.

To read more, click here!

 

Friday
May172013

The Hairpin

An E-Mail Announcement From The Proud New Mommy

From: Mary Ann B., the New Mommy
To: Entire Contact List
Subject: Our New Gift Has Arrived!

Dear Friends and Family,

Thank you so much for all the well-wishes! After nine months of heartburn and sleepless nights, Dale and I are SO excited to announce … the arrival of my push present!!! 

Continue reading HERE

Friday
Mar082013

College Humor

My Apartment: A Restaurant Review

Stale coffee. Rubber boots. Those were the scents that welcomed me as I stepped into My Apartment for dinner on a quiet Friday night.

Read more here.

 

Friday
Feb172012

Not So Lonely Valentine: Why It’s Best to be Single on V-Day

I wanted to write a blog about why it’s so great to be single on Valentine’s Day. The blog was going to focus mainly on the fact that you don’t have to put up with a lot of B.S. “gifts” when you’re single on Valentine’s Day. Like Whitman’s chocolates. We all know those came from CVS. You didn’t even have to go down the aisle. They were right up by the counter. Right along with that too-hard stuffed teddy bear that smells like CVS you gave me. That’s also from CVS. Don’t get me wrong – I love drug stores, but don’t buy me a gift from one. The main problem with these drugstore presents is that all of the unique, quirky things about you that your boyfriend loves are summarily ignored and forgotten when he gets you that waxy candy and piece-of-shit bear. You prefer fruit-based desserts and you hate animals. He knows this, but he ignores it, because he had to pick up razors for himself anyway. I resent that.

Source: Kassia's Blog

To continue reading, go to: http://kassiamiller.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/not-so-lonely-valentine-why-its-best-to-be-single-on-v-day/